a soul stuck in body

no one;P

I don’t think I can completely trust anyone but myself. That way, I don’t have to worry about my trust being shattered. In the long run, it’ll save me from a heart ache..

“With or Without You” by U2.

not so much that it makes me cry, but it makes me overly emotional.. it makes me think about how i can’t have what i want, but somehow i know i’m going to be okay. i know i can make my feelings last for as long as i am determined to.. i can’t give up because i’ve come such a long way.. i’m learning to be happy with life, with myself.

Love should only be felt once in life. A lot of people seem to disagree with me on this, but it redefines my faith in the concept, making it only stronger than ever before. Requited or unrequited, it’s absolutely the most beautiful phenomenon. I don’t care if I sound corny, but it’s the raw truth. I just despise the fact that people hop on from one relationship to another, professing their love for their significant others [at that time], break up, “let the passing of time mend their broken hearts” [AKA, the so-called “healing process”], and simply move on in life. I pity those pathetic souls, because they bring shame to the word “LOVE”… I mean, to use it away meaninglessly, without having that pure, mystical connection encompassing it.. it’s really heartbreaking. 

Love is a promise, and it saddens me to see that people most often seem to break it. Where has the essence of such piousness disappeared? 

“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” — Pablo Picasso ♥ 

can’t think of one right now :P

“You’re a teenager. Live life to the fullest, do fucked up things, make mistakes, be wild. When you look back years from now, these will be the best moments of your life.” (something along these lines.)

I think this has got to be the WORST advice I’ve ever heard, and it sucks even more that I have been given this advice so many times. (When I actually needed serious advice)

Do what you love, love what you do. i know it’s a cliche, but it’s what i think when i hear the phrase ‘“be yourself”.

I’m in such a good mood right now (actually, I have been all day today). There really isn’t a specific reason. Although, the vanilla ice cream in the afternoon sure made it better. Ahh.. haven’t felt this way in quite some time, so I thought I’d share that. 

Also, my ask is open~
So feel free to shoot me messages of all kinds.
:)

• silence
• solitude
• making art
• writing
• hookahs
• HUMMUS.
• my family
• my close friends
• STARBUCKS.
• HARRY POTTER. (everything about it, including Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans and butter beer.)
• samosas
• driving during thunderstorms
• the fresh scent of the earth just after it has rained
• laughing till i cry
• dreaming of travelling around the world 
• singing
• this list may just be longer than the list of things that make me sad.
• roller coasters!
• cold, windy days
• contemplating life
• road trip
• reading murder mystery novels
• belly dancing (i really want to take lessons.)
• observing and exploring
• walking to places
• meditating

• funerals.
• hot, sunny days.
• the feeling of the heart sinking.
• babies crying.
• when people disappoint me. (which is why i’m learning to not expect much from them anymore)
• crowds.
• clubbing. (more so angry than sad)
• thinking of someone day and night and knowing that i never cross their mind for even a split second. 
• death metal and hardcore rap music. (why do these music genres exist? and why do people enjoy them? i will never understand.)
• feeling like a failure.
• knowing i haven’t really done much to make my parents proud.
• fighting the urges to start cutting again. (i’ve been clean for 5 months now)
• realizing that i might be falling back into depression when i just recently got out of it, and i can’t help but feel helpless.
• fear of being abandoned at some point in my life.
• the fact that i am great with giving advice to others, but when it comes to me.. i can never help myself.
• super-materialistic people.
• my attitude towards life.
• that this list is quite long.

The shows I watch the most are Friends, Bones, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and Family Matters. Have they had some sort of an impact on me? Eh, not really. [same goes for any movie that I may have watched recently.]

EVERYTHING.

• my pessimism
• my lack of concern for other people’s feelings
• my dull persona
• my insecure nature
• my body (well, just the flabby tummy anyways)
• my over-contemplative attitude
• i wish i was more family-oriented.
• i hate my mood swings.
• my lack of appreciation for the people i have in my life
• my obsessiveness 
• the fact that i am so passive
• i wish i didn’t love being alone all the time.
• i secretly wish i was more graceful and poised. 
• the fact that i’m not at all satisfied with my life
• i want to be able to look at myself in the mirror, with love and respect. 

I’ve never really given much thought to that, and frankly, I don’t even care enough to. 

I guess I’d be smiling more often. I’d feel invincible. I’d have that self-confidence that I’ve always been wishing for. 

Just got home,
looked into the mirror..
eyes were red and swollen.
didn’t think a movie would
have the ability to seek out my tears..
clearly i was wrong.

damn.. 10 years.
alas, it has come to an end..
beautiful series, glad to have 
it be ingrained within my childhood~

If by “here” you mean the planet, then my purpose is to..

exist for a few decades.
live it up in between.
splatter some paint on canvas.
be remembered temporarily.
leave the world…

remain as a memory
(in at least one person’s mind).

Dunno, don’t care. -sighs-